im such a bum! its lawry's burfday!! n ive been invited to music underground.. he's openin a bottle i think. aigh. ive been procrastinatin from goin out since i woke up at 9pm.(after teaching for 6str hrs n i got back near 7)
now its 1030pm n i juz bathed. juz msged him tt im too lazy to leave hse.. will buy him dinner nt wk to make up. =)

actually.. its more den me bein a bummer la. i din really wanna go coz im not really close to lawry's friens.. n e tired me dun really feel like forcin myself to leave my hse even thoe i really wud wanna give lawry face. im not feelin as sociable tonite as well...

kinda cried myself to bed last nite.. saw him online but he went off coz he saw me.. im dun think im bein oversensitive la coz it was yahoo messenger.. he's e only one on my contact list n he knows i only use it to get to him... juz like once a yr ish when i miss e old times terribly.we started our friendship on icq.. talkin till e wee hrs... n den yahoo when we were mad abt each other. sumhow. n i stopped yahooing when we broke up..so when i was desperately lookin for sum trail yest.. i dled icq n yahoo again..after like eons.

well, got slammed.. ouch. but i knew where he was comin from.. i know that ive hurt him terribly again. as much as i was hurt. kinda grappling with e fact that ya... he's right. we'll neva end up happy coz e same issues keep reoccuring.

juz more convinced that i'll leave him alone.

hurts but i will survive!

i was reflecting last nite too.wad happened then when we first broke up n it din seem to hurt as much.. i realise it was e period when i was madly bz.occupied with life like work and sch.. n i was happier den. coz i was juz doin things i find meaninful. now that ive more time... e hurt seems less bearable.. mayb coz i was becomin dependent again..

so.... ive decided that im gonna do more work! gonna embark on my regime to do well!
im gonna mug thru e evening.. come up with a tagboard.. n plan my comin wk....