can i pray?
juz got hm from gabriel's place.. after his bday dinner n sum after dinner majong with my sis and gab's friens.. guess im feeling kinda frustrated this moment.
y so? i think i lost my mum's ic.. when i lost my bag last wk. well, it was stolen while i was working. cant blame anyone coz i left e bag on the floor. other den my mum's ic, ive like 600bucks worth of valuables in the bag. allow me to list:
1. my own ic
2. e bottle of 100ml beyond paradise-estee lauder my sis bought me. its brand new.
3. e fm receiver ram gave me. loadsa sentimental value coz it has been with him for yrs. say 7? its been with him when he was down n out, when he was lonely, when he was jogging, when he was happy.
4. e gucci shades my dad gave me.
5. 150 cash my mum gave me
6. my very old but very cute polo bagpack.
oh well.. i din realise i lost my mum's ic too until she asked me abt it earlier on. im frustrated coz i haven told her abt e stolen bag... im angry with myself that i was that careless,im olso sickened by e fact that its gonna cost me so much to replace all e darn ics. the sch fees issue isnt making me feel any better.
i so very wish that e guy who stole my bag wud b merciful enuff to send me the ics.. so much that i want to pray.. den it dawned on me that mayb im too stuck up to do so. Bsides, there's a possibility that God wudnt find it a point to answer my prayer- since im doing everything that's ungodly. not going to church,not being a living sacrifice. At the bottom line, i do everything that fulfills my own sinful desires.
Been spending time with him. haven told anyone much abt it. Its different this time round i guess. its like a status unknown thing between us, but honestly... i dun seem to b bothered much. it isnt like love i knew a yr back. actually, i suspect that the ability in me to love totally has gone away, mayb for a short vacation, or mayb she wudnt b back foreva. Jaded seems to b a good word to describe how i feel most of e time nowadays.
I m glad that he walked back into my life- i glad that he's there for me, that he cares for me.. that i make him laff. if its a yr back.. i wud b really over e moon. now.. i dunno if im really very happy.i dun even know wad makes me truly happy nowadays. i think i used to b happy easily- so much that he tells me that everyone seem to have e impression that im perpetually happy. i remember telling sumone that happiness is an attitude. wad happened to that attitude of mine along e way?
was reading anybodysgirl's blog juz a couple of mins ago.she's my boy's friend and thats how i got to know her blogsite. her entry on bad faith and wad she really wants to do at this pt in her life stirred sum feelings in me. i feel that i cud so understand wad she was talkin abt. her wanting to live like a nomad for a while and yet knowing that if she does follow her passion for freedom, she wud haf to let her boy go.. i say she is courageous wadeva path she takes. n sincerely.. i respect her wadeva decision she makes..
oh well..its gettin late.. im turning in.. proj in a few hrs time....
y so? i think i lost my mum's ic.. when i lost my bag last wk. well, it was stolen while i was working. cant blame anyone coz i left e bag on the floor. other den my mum's ic, ive like 600bucks worth of valuables in the bag. allow me to list:
1. my own ic
2. e bottle of 100ml beyond paradise-estee lauder my sis bought me. its brand new.
3. e fm receiver ram gave me. loadsa sentimental value coz it has been with him for yrs. say 7? its been with him when he was down n out, when he was lonely, when he was jogging, when he was happy.
4. e gucci shades my dad gave me.
5. 150 cash my mum gave me
6. my very old but very cute polo bagpack.
oh well.. i din realise i lost my mum's ic too until she asked me abt it earlier on. im frustrated coz i haven told her abt e stolen bag... im angry with myself that i was that careless,im olso sickened by e fact that its gonna cost me so much to replace all e darn ics. the sch fees issue isnt making me feel any better.
i so very wish that e guy who stole my bag wud b merciful enuff to send me the ics.. so much that i want to pray.. den it dawned on me that mayb im too stuck up to do so. Bsides, there's a possibility that God wudnt find it a point to answer my prayer- since im doing everything that's ungodly. not going to church,not being a living sacrifice. At the bottom line, i do everything that fulfills my own sinful desires.
Been spending time with him. haven told anyone much abt it. Its different this time round i guess. its like a status unknown thing between us, but honestly... i dun seem to b bothered much. it isnt like love i knew a yr back. actually, i suspect that the ability in me to love totally has gone away, mayb for a short vacation, or mayb she wudnt b back foreva. Jaded seems to b a good word to describe how i feel most of e time nowadays.
I m glad that he walked back into my life- i glad that he's there for me, that he cares for me.. that i make him laff. if its a yr back.. i wud b really over e moon. now.. i dunno if im really very happy.i dun even know wad makes me truly happy nowadays. i think i used to b happy easily- so much that he tells me that everyone seem to have e impression that im perpetually happy. i remember telling sumone that happiness is an attitude. wad happened to that attitude of mine along e way?
was reading anybodysgirl's blog juz a couple of mins ago.she's my boy's friend and thats how i got to know her blogsite. her entry on bad faith and wad she really wants to do at this pt in her life stirred sum feelings in me. i feel that i cud so understand wad she was talkin abt. her wanting to live like a nomad for a while and yet knowing that if she does follow her passion for freedom, she wud haf to let her boy go.. i say she is courageous wadeva path she takes. n sincerely.. i respect her wadeva decision she makes..
oh well..its gettin late.. im turning in.. proj in a few hrs time....
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